Gilligan and the Internet

I wonder what would happen if life ever got boring around here. If there were an equal and opposite reaction to boring at my house, it might have to be a rainforest complete with howler monkeys and singing bears (you know... Like Jungle Book) being found in Antarctica.
Somehow everything happens here at once. We came home from Christmas vacation sick. Very sick. Our kids, on the other hand, felt great. When we began to feel better, David twisted his knee badly. Two different doctors later and we will soon get to pay a small fortune to have it fixed. As a final treat, our internet went down.
When we have no Internet, we also have no cell signal. And no phone. Entirely disconnected from the outside world, I found myself wandering around the house holding my cell phone up, seeking signal like the crew of Gilligan's Island sought radio waves. Please God, let someone be out there.
Fast forward to tonight. With David out of commission in the crawling department, I volunteered to be his hands under the house to fix our phone line. Two days with little to no outside connections had made me desperate. After all, it's only dark, creepy and 20 degrees outside. What could go wrong?
For starters, someone left the water hose on and part of under the house was soggy. I crawled in and found the wire. Slowly, I followed it down the house to where it ended, trying to avoid the worst of the mud. Spider webs dangled in my face and the cat, who had staked claim on a warm spot down there, began to howl his warning at my intrusion. The wire was not plugged in to anything. I  picked up the frayed end and wondered if we'd been getting internet by magic.  Apparently, it had been daisy chained into another wire and had come loose. No magic.  Just a great cat fight under the house had dislodged it. Great.
I should mention here that my electronic experience amounts to nil. This wire needed to be spliced into another one. David talked me through it. Red to red, green to green. Tape them together. Due to my new found electrical genius the phone line ever was, of course, still broken.
During this stage, there were times I had to just sit and wait for David to go check something or get a tool. I'm not proud to admit it, but generous amounts of extra fiber to my diet had resulted in equal amounts of intolerable flatulence. In the confines of the under house space, I had no one to blame my misery on but myself. As my eyes began to water and I considered escaping to the less polluted outdoors. But I needed my internet.
Plan B. We ran another line. Which involved trying to get it up through the floorboard and then running it down the length of the house. By this time, I'd crawled the length of the house about three times. My toes had begun to hurt. I considered the lengths to which I would go in order to have internet back. In the end, I decided that I had double benefits. Not only did I renew my connection with the outside world, but I also had an embarrassing and disgusting story to share with my readers.
As I finished my part in the ordeal and headed out, my calves decided they'd had enough too and cramped up. If anyone ever tells you that crawling isn't exercise, slap them for me. I hobbled my way up the stairs and into a hot shower. My amazing husband made coffee and we celebrated by staying up too late watching Netflix. This is definitely the good life.